I have moved

Tuesday, May 18, 2010
TO a new blog.

Have fun finding it.

So what now?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009
May Jean.

May Jean May Jean.


And we live in our horrors.

I Don't Want the World to See Me (Watch You Drown)

Saturday, February 14, 2009
In broad, shaky brush strokes
That scratch across the canvas.

I understand
Why you recoil in grace at the cheap promise of safety.
Why you stammer of vague abstract treaties.

Cancerous smile.
An orchestra of
A broken angel, of crackling noise, and dull trite.

Darling, you're making a scene for no reason.

More, more, more
More weekend cults to opiate the masses. More cheap drugs to cloud our senses. More rhymeless rhymes in various tenses.


And flail.

I will wrap you in a lush black gown that coquettishly flicks here and there in the bitter wind that scratches across the face of God. I will tie a bow to you, a deep red bow that reflects nothing but an exercise in futility. I will bundle you up and ask are you warm and I'll push you off and watch you flail and twitch and cough and scream and beg and i will say
just die


So There's This Girl.

Sunday, October 19, 2008
Names have been changed for privacy. That's right.

I've seen 3 different videos of the Talent Night performance. For the one where my guitar was loudest, Andrew Tan's guitar was almost non-existent. Also, I just realized how tinny sounding my guitar was. Okay, enough about the sound system.

And to get that bloody post out of the way,

I think I'll join Dance Club next sem.

Back in Form 4, I used to go to Mr Siew's tuition classes for physics and chemistry.

In Form 5, I moved to a different day for the classes.

It was on a Friday that I first saw MJ.

I was sitting in the back of the class, since I didn't know anyone there, and all of them were chatting in Cantonese. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt, with the sleeves pulled up slightly. I'm not sure how to describe it.

I remember thinking her hair was beautiful. It was this subtle shade of dark brown. And I loved her eyes. You know. They were like the proverbial doe-eyes.

The thing about trying to tell a full account of this is that everything is so multi-layered and complex. When I describe an event here, it's not the same as when I experienced it. When I experienced it, there were a number of different emotions and thoughts and feelings all bundled into one and occuring at the same time.

So this is a futile exercise. I really should stop.

Oh, who cares. Think what you want of me.

She stopped coming to the Friday class. I think she only came on Friday for replacement.

I had a hard time getting her number, but I did manage it, and then she didn't reply.

It was only after a month or two that she actually replied my messages, and that was done infrequently and coldly. But, well. There's this mental image of her that I still have until now, that of her sitting on a swing at night. It's a bit hard to describe.

She called me. It was during the 1st tests.

Then she stopped. Because her friend got pregnant.

A few months later, she got a boyfriend. Peter. Peter and MJ.

All the days after that were painful.

I remember going into tuition, and Matt showing me a video of the Desa Perdana's IU Day/Night/whatever dance, and pointing out a girl and saying she was the prettiest. I looked and saw that it was MJ.

I remember Matt telling me that his friends said she was a bitch.

I remember coming online sometime this year and casually wishing her for something, I think it was Valentine's Day. Or maybe not. It was for some celebration.

And I remember finding out that she and Peter had broken up a month or so before that.

We talked a bit.

I sms-ed her the next day. She didn't reply.

We talked a bit more.

It was after I had quit my job in Cortefiel. She was still working at HP.

I remember trying to feel detached about the whole thing and not too expectant. I mean, I've already been hurt before. Like hell. Not going to get hurt again, am I?

We became friends, then buddies,

and a lot of shit happened along the way. A lot. I'm not even going to go into it.

And we got together, didn't we? I suppose, in the future, she probably will never look at me as an ex, though. Don't ask why.

The last time we met in person was when she came to Sri Petaling. I waited for her at the Bukit Jalil station after college, and we walked to Endah Parade. We ate at the Kopitiam-or-something shop near Carrefour. I hope I never eat there again.

I remember the times before that. When I went to Taman Desa in a taxi, and had to take one back. And the first time I did that, we went to a mamak shop, she camwhored on my phone, and then left me there.

I remember her wearing the black MCR shirt. When we were near the pharmacy and it was raining.

I miss her.

I miss laughing about things like verbally pronouncing lmao (lermow). And about her pet in that Facebook game. Tofu. And mine. Ebenezer.

It wasn't perfect. I knew that even then. But it was the best I ever had. I thought I had found the one. As cliched as that sounds, I really did.

There are so many things about you that I wish I could just say, but I can't. So there it is. There'll be things that no one else will ever know, at least not from me, things that I will have to keep and think about until the day I die, which isn't that far off, really.

I used to love just staring into your eyes.

It was in Sunway's library. I was sitting down and I got your message and I felt cold and detached and I really didn't think about it. It didn't register.

But you knew, didn't you? We couldn't just be friends, not after all of that. I mean, I guess you could. I couldn't.

I couldn't face the fact that I had met the One, and she didn't want me.

I guess no one in college realized, but I changed sometime after that.

There's a dull throbbing in my head that I get whenever I'm not listening to music, and it comes about when I'm in a quiet place for some time.

I've listened to Konstantine by Something Corporate every single day since then.

There's no closure, and I don't think there ever will be. Because when you left, it felt like you took a small part of me away that I never knew about. My body constantly feels heavy now and my heart feels sore. Yes, sore. In the sense that I'm painfully aware of it, but it doesn't hurt or ache. It's just there, and I can feel it, and I don't want to feel it, because feeling it is so fucking painful.

I remember the card you made for me. Where you drew me in the Radiohead shirt I was wearing, and you drew me with only one hand. I still have the card.

Perhaps you'll forget me, one day in the future. Or you'll look back and vaguely remember something about me.

But you made me realise that I'm not a small kid anymore. The world doesn't run the way I want it to. I can't do almost anything I want. And sometimes you have to fall, and when you do, sometimes it isn't anyone's fault.

Because everyone has to fall.

It's just my luck that I had to fall now.

By the way,
I had a dream last night. That you re-added me in Facebook. And unblocked me in MSN. It felt very real. I remember feeling very happy in a surreal way. It was like if I focused too much on the happiness, it would disappear like one of those 3-D pictures that only pop up when you look at it in a distant unfocused, 2-at-once way.

And I couldn't help it, I felt happy, and I woke up.

i see you.

Saturday, August 23, 2008
inching across the rain-soaked roads
palming the ground
in beat with the lazy snaps and thuds
side stick - one - two - dum
eyes drawn close and unstaring.

i have a fever
that taps politely every so often
against my optical nerves.

i see you now.
like i didn't before.
fracturing like a precious china doll.
please hold me together.

Screaming in a futile attempt to slow down time

Ha ha ha. Laugh at me. Open your mouth wide
bare your teeth
Squiggling, disgusting, bobbing tonsil
I will cut it off.

i see you now.
like i didn't before.
fracturing like a precious china doll.
please hold me together.

Oh baby, you're such a drag.
Drum roll, please
In swelling volume
To echo our footsteps
As they drag across the marble floor
Polished hastily.

there are things that drift away
quietly, without notice
whether you want them to or not
where do you find the energy
for these empty afternoons?
for warm-less nights and tussled blankets?

somewhere across the horizon
i see you.

-Wayne 2008.

Song For MJ.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It's very sobering to wake up, stare at your own reflection in grotesque fascination, and have no idea who you are.

Why can't it (ever) be the same? (again)
It makes me feel.
'Memento mori' etched out in black ink,
But I already knew that
And we oscillate
Between love and hate.

See, it wasn't my choice.
It struck me by surprise.
And it's so tragic

Ignorance is bliss
I concur.

But when you're nice,
You're nice.
And when you make me happy,

What do you want?
What do I want?
Odd world. Loopy contradictions
Sick irony - black humour.

i want.
it to be straightforward.
knowing that it won't ever be.
i lie deep in muddy waters
drenched in regret
and (personal) failure.
so far out - out of touch
i must have been

i want.
to hold you tight
to hell with the world
they can't touch us
if we were what i wanted us to be.

So it's a song for MJ.
That I promised.
It's not quite ready.
And it's pretty damn chronic
But, yes.

Hold me tight
Through the night


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

 Iraqi Information Minister:

  • "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"
  • "My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"
  • "Our initial assessment is that they will all die"
  • "We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
  • "We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."
  • "I speak better English than this villain Bush"
  • "We have destroyed 50 tanks today. That's 5-ohhh tanks" [while holding up his fingers]
  • "We feed them death and hell!"

Malaysia Votes. No, really.

Saturday, March 8, 2008
This is a picture of the rebuild Stadium Merdeka. The relevance? It's not relevant! So why did I post it up? Because I can.

Foreword: All material sourced (without permission) from www.malaysiakini.com Check it out. They have a boxing match-like blow-by-blow account at the right. Very awesome. And I'm politically neutral.

EDIT (9.16pm): Due to the nature of elections, the blog is also a blow-by-blow account. But the latest news is at the BOTTOM. Why? Beats me. I'll try switching it up later on. For now, come in and discuss.

UPDATED! From now on, all latest news will be the TOP of the post, for easier viewing. Updated real-time until about 12 midnight. So come in and discuss the most exciting elections Malaysia has seen.

Previous Updates (for those who haven't scrolled down):
Opposition have taken Penang and Kota Melaka, among others. Teresa Kok has won her Seputeh parliamentary seat with an unprecedented 36,564 majority. She also won the Kinrara state seat with a massive 4,901 majority. And some Facebook groups are very happy. Scroll down for more info. Scroll to the bottom of the site for free music.

10.53 pm: This fascinating night hasn't ended, but this blog post has. I will update the final results tomorrow evening, but until then, I hope you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for making this blog post a great success. Signing off, Wayne.

10.31pm: From tv 9, BN has won by a larger margin than in 2004 in Gemas, I believe. Interesting. BN 'calon' there is a woman, so they're discussing it right now. Interesting stuff.
BN lost in Changkat Jong by about a 1000 to PAS. DAP wins by far in Pasir Bedamas.

10.05pm: PAS' Dr Lo' Lo' Ghazali has won the Titiwangsa parliament seat with a majority of 1,972.

10.01 pm: Unofficial: PKR candidate Charles Santiago has won the Klang parliament seat with 16,975 votes against MCA's Ch'ng Toh Eng.

9.53 pm: IGP Musa has confirmed that the rumours of riots were indeed just rumours. ISA will be invoked against those spreading said rumours. Thank goodness for that.

  • Another BN big gun, PPP's M Kayveas, who is a deputy minister, has lost his Taiping parliament seat. Winner DAP's Nga Hon Ming has told his supporters to have 'zero celebration'.
  • MIC president S Samy Vellu has suffered a shock defeat at the hands of PSM’s Dr D Jeyakumar for the Sungai Siput parliamentary seat which he has held for nine terms. Jeyakumar polled 16,874 votes to Samy's 14,408. Today is Samy Vellu's 72nd birthday. The reference to his birthday must surely be the funniest thing I've seen on Malaysiakini so far.

9.30 pm: RUSH OF UPDATES! After a temporary downtime, Malaysiakini has lots of updates for us. Here they are:

  • Pockets of alleged violence in Klang believed to be caused by opposition takeover have rendered situation in the area 'panicky', according to eyewitnesses there. ''Two persons of Indian ethnicity were attacked by a group of Malays'', claimed one eyewitness there and ''have been hospitalised'' following the serious wounds inflicted by the assailants.
  • About fifteen minutes ago, another woman was again allegedly attacked by a group of Malay assailants and eyewitnesses claimed the target of attacks are on those donning the Hindraf-Makkal Sakthi t-shirts. Police have denied claims of such attacks. If they indeed have occurred, this is a tremendously serious reaction that may further ugly relations between races. We remain hopeful that May 13th will never again happen, but the 'minority' races have nevertheless shown that they can't be taken for granted, with the opposition parties creating history against BN.
  • According to PAS organ Harakah, the opposition party has won 15 of the 36 state seats in Kedah, including seats that were considered Umno strongholds. It needs four more seats to win government.
  • Unofficial result: PKR’s Zuraida Kamaruddin defeated BN’s Azman Wahid in the Ampang parliamentary constituency.
  • Khalid Ibrahim has taken both the Bandar Tun Razak parliamentary seat where he contested against MCA’s Tan Chai Ho and the Ijok state seat against Umno’s Mohd Sayuti Said.
  • PKR vice-president Azmin Ali is leading Umno’s Said Anuar Syed Ahmad in the Gombak parliamentary seat, while Nurul Izzah Anwar is leading in Lembah Pantai against Umno's Shahrizat Abdul Jalil.
  • According to Terengganu’s director of election Mustafa Ali, the party (PAS) has conceded defeat in Terengganu, paving the way for BN to retain the state.
  • DAP MP for Bukit Mertajam Chong Eng has advised all opposition supporters to remain calm and not provoke others. She also said they should refrain from having victory parades [sic]. “The Barisan Rakyat must learn how to handle victory or loss with maturity,” said her statement which comes as early polls result indicate a major swing towards the opposition.

9.30pm: With the initial furore over, the massive excitement seems to have calmed down somewhat over the most sensational elections Malaysia has seen. Nevertheless, Malaysiakini appears to be struggling with the massive influx of visitors, a testament to just how gripping the election is this time around.

9.10 pm: Latest report from Terengganu is that Umno and PAS are neck to neck as counting continues in many of the state seats. PAS is said to be leading with eight state seats against Umno's five. At least 17 seats are needed to win the government as there are a total of 32 seats. So there's a bit of a toss up for now, with PAS at a slim lead. Fascinating. PAS doesn't encourage development, however, so time will tell if the state benefits from returning to PAS (in the event that it does, of course.) Kelantan has already been unofficially won by PAS, so that's two states in hand (the other being Penang won by the opposition coalition).

What are your opinions on this new opposition coalition? Same old, same old? Come in and discuss.

No time: From Lim Kit Siang's blog:

"There is a political tsunami in the 12th general election, with the Barisan Nasional suffering probably its biggest setback in history.

From available reports, DAP has won victories, in some cases with huge majorities, in the following Parliamentary seats:

1. Bagan
2. Tanjong
3. Bukit Glugor
4. Ipoh Timur
5. Batu Gajah
6. Petaling Jaya Utara
7. Seputeh
8. Kepong
9. Bukit Bintang
10. Cheras
11. Bandar Kuching
12. Sandakan
13. Segambut
14. Kota Melaka

DAP is leading in the following Parliamentary seats:

1. Sarikei
2. Serdang
3. Klang
4. Taiping
5. Bruas
6. Teluk Intan
7. Jelutong
8. Bukit Bendera
9. Batu Kawan

For state assembly seats, DAP has won

1. Subang Jaya;
2. Teratai

In Penang the three state seats of Tanjong and Bagan have also been won by DAP. Other Penang state seats won by DAP are Air Puteh, Prai, Batu Lanchang, Pulau Tikus and leading in all the other state seats contested by DAP. DAP has also won new state seats in Perak, Selangor, Negri Sembilan, Malacca and Johore.

One of the most noted state assembly win is the Sri Tanjong seat of Tawau, Sabah."

He would know, wouldn't he. From Malaysiakini, Lim Kit Siang (DAP) vs Liew Mun Hon (MCA) in Ipoh Timur with DAP leading. Another blow for BN. Cue cheesy picture.

Taken from thesneeze.com

But they're not all lost. Controversial minister Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor retained his Putrajaya parliamentary seat, where most of the voters are civil servants. He bagged 4,038 votes against PAS' Mohd Noor Mohamad's 1,304. There goes PAS' proclamation of winning Putrajaya=winning Malaysia.

As stated earlier, all information comes directly from Malaysiakini.com and is on an unofficial blow-by-blow basis. Regardless of the 'political tsunami' cited, BN looks pretty much set to retain a majority, but no one is certain whether they will maintain their two third majority this time around.

Here are some groups in Facebook that are, er, doing their part:
And that's just a few. So social networking has finally come into play in Malaysian politics.

Very well, more news on this historical event,

As of 8.25 pm, opposition takes Penang. Unofficially, the opposition will form the state government in Penang for second time in history. The DAP-PKR-PAS combination has collectively won at least 21 seats out of the 40 seats. Remarkable. That's more than half of the seats. But Keadilan + PAS + DAP? That would be a rather bad combination for government. Luckily, it's just the Penang state. Best of luck there. Moving on.

While we wait for the new results, let's take a look at some poems. By me. Naturally.

Tomorrow's World:
As a child, he
Watched with astonishment
At this fascinating medley,
Ate ice creams
In lush parks.
Fell down and knew pain for the first time.
Played and cried and learned.

When he grew older, he
Watched with astonishment
As the world hurtled by.
Ate sleeping pills
To forget the pain.
But woke to sweaty blankets anyway.
Worked and cried and learned.

In tomorrow's world, he
Hopes for world peace and gets a Nuclear War
He hopes for everything he had as a child
Falling without consequence;
Ice cream, and trees with green leaves,
And gets-

This got a lot of good comments from UG. I expect the same from you. Back to politics.

Here's a delightfully funny snippet from Malaysiakini (wait for the punchline):

PKR’s Dr D Jeyakumar is presently leading by 1,300 votes in Sungai Siput. However there are sill more than 20,000 votes to be counted. Samy Vellu has been the Sungai Siput MP since 1974. Samy Vellu claims today is his 72nd birthday.

At 8.15pm, DAP won Kota Melaka, a seat which the party lost in 2004.

And as early as 8.03pm, it was confirmed that incumbent MP for Seputeh, Teresa Kok, has retained her seat with a huge majority of 20,000 votes. She has also won Kinrara, a state seat under Puchong in Selangor.

20,000! Talk about a majority. Not surprising, that. A snipper from her political posters:
BN talks about security. What about family security?
Or something along that line. What does it mean? Beats me.

Oops. 9.02pm update: Teresa Kok has won her Seputeh parliamentary seat with an unprecedented 36,564 majority. She also won the Kinrara state seat with a massive 4,901 majority.

Unprecedented? I'll say! That's mind-boggling! Great job there.