What You Should Be Listening To (& Other Opinionated Junk).

To start off, here's a rather funny comic two-panel.


Visitors to the House, prepare for a wall of text! WALL OF TEXT!

Those that know me well enough (an admitted minority) will know that I have a very violent taste when it comes to music. This extends to a certain extent to movies and books in some instances. Now, when I say violent, I don't mean br0otal death metal. Nuh-uh. It simply means that if:

1. I like Radiohead.
2. You like Fall Out Boy.
3. You criticise Radiohead.
4. I kill you.

But more on my superior music taste later. For now, here are some lulz for you, courtesy of the brilliant people at Ultimate Guitar. These are direct quotes and most of them have been accredited to the original user; if they haven't, too bad bitch. This is the Internet. You've been pwned.


The ever-popular discussion about Soulja Boy.

'Wait, he's "Soulja Boy" right? So I guess he is telling himself to crank dat. Thanks to my extensive studying of Ebonics, the language of the streets, I can make the conclusion that "dat" is the equivalent to "that." Now please enlighten me, what exactly is he cranking? Music? Is he cranking an old fashioned car? Why must he talk in the third person? Soulja Boy is truly a mysterious man... The "Soulja Boy, I'm the man" part was due to his low self-esteem and he wrote this beautiful line to cheer himself up.'

#1 Rule of Rap: Feel free to change the pronunciation of a word, or add, "shizzle", "izzle", "ah", "uh", or any other suffix to a word to create a successful rhyme.

#2 Rule of Rap: As long as the words have some rhyming pattern, only 25% of the words actually have to maks (sic) sense.

You know the dance? It took my brother and five of our friends to do it. That means that it took six white kids to do the dance of one black man.

Analysis of Crank Dat by Soulja Boy:

First Verse:

First off, Soulja Boy is off in this hoe. He likes to crank it and roll, and loves it when people watch him crank and roll, hence the repeated 'Now watch me do'.

2nd Verse:

Ok, now he has started leaning and rocking because he's almost ready to blow his load and 'Superman that hoe.' Super fresh means he just got a shower. To jock on a hater means that he is a superior athlete. Also he leans to the left and looks like Robocop when he Supermans that hoe. He will fight you, even at a local party. People don't like him because he now owns a couple of male gorillas that like to have good hygiene.

Ah, that brings back good memories. :)

Yes, readers, I am bored and out of material. Now for some of the choice quotes:

• "I'm not racist, Racism is a crime. And crime is for black people."
  -Kensai

• "It's not rape, it's surprise sex!"

• “Are there any black people on UG?
  I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.”

  -demoniacfashion

• “Maybe if the Jews were kind to Hitler the holocaust wouldn't have happened.”

  -Muphin

• “I was taking a poop in school and the fire alarms went off.
  That was seriously one of the worst moments of my life.”

And to break the monotony, here are some gems from the Iraqi Information Minister. I love this guy.

• "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"

• "My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

• "Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

• "We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
  

• "We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

• "I speak better English than this villain Bush"

• "We have destroyed 50 tanks today. That's 5-ohhh tanks" [while holding up his fingers]

• "We feed them death and hell!"

And now back to UG, before I attempt to shove down my musical opinions. Yes, I'll shove them down your god damn throat. So shut up and read.

• “You can't have sex with your guitar.. unless you're black and you own an acoustic.”
• “You may think I give a shit, but I don't.”

-KingCocaine

Originally Posted by Joey Walker Quote: Originally Posted by anaoshak look at all those knobs, he must have a mean tone. Bottle caps buddy, they are bottle caps

“Sex is over-rated. I prefer Pokemon Diamond.”

-AAARGH

Quote:

Originally Posted by edwardthegreat5 The Pokemon in Ash's team are his issues, for example Charmander represents his sex drive, at first it's a cute easy to control thing, but eventually becomes a raging inferno of disobedience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarmannn Normally when I play Metallica, I just throw my guitar out my window. I personally think it sounds better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bubban I once had a sudden urge to rape sheep in Scotland after watching CNN, that was pretty freaky.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J-Spoon I did a forward roll into a backflip, caught the les paul and blasted out a face melting version of stairway to intimidate this mentally retarded kid on life support in a wheelchair that was trying to play it through an MG. What a loser.

Quote:

Originally Posted by linkinwayne Of course there are aliens! Why else would there be drummers?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vale_Deo I gotta go with Diglet. When the douche bag evolves, it turns into 3, it's not even really evolving, it's just calling his dumbass friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr_hankey Build a Tele. It's a just slab of wood. Put a thick neck on it, and you can use it to beat up muggers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Useful_Idiot16 Lebanon doesn't have fire.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archaon I want to eat your shoelaces.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SsPunk Well, I was at band practice the other day, and our drummer killed and ate everyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by matty_jay i usually just get raped then when theyre like 'april fools' im all like 'april fools you, HIV!!!' ahahaha.

That's it for today's UG barrage.

Now for the opinionated junk. I'll keep it short. Very short. Because I'm bored. And lazy.

I don't approve of music elitists. I don't approve of generic pricks who listen purely to mainstream. I don't approve of extreme metalheads. I don't approve of Pete Wentz.

Yes, clever people, I don't approve of a lot of things. That is right.

But that's okay. I felt safe that I was one of a kind in my musical taste. Well, not really, but at least I haven't seen anyone in Malaysia who listens to the type of crap I do. UNTIL...

I got a mysterious comment on my previous lame blog post (I got tagged, for those of you who missed the uneventful event) from a person named e-Quine. It roughly sounded/s like an online magazine roughly attempting to be 'cool'. But then I read the comment and

it

dawned

on

me!

Hayley Williams is hot. That's the lead singer of Paramore, for those of you not in the know. Happily for me, the majority of UG agrees with me on this one:

• She's an extremely talented singer.
• She's hot.

Ahem, but that's detracting from the point. I'll get back to it-




AFTER A LINEAR EQUATION NEWS UPDATE!

We've decided to work on a new album mid-April. I've gathered a lot of people who want to make this a success and as far as concerned, everyone had better do their bloody job or heads will roll. We have one month, people. ONE MONTH.

In other news, we've come up with a line up for Sri Aman (P)'s Battle of the Bands. Sadly, we can't get Matt Kaprelian from England to come, but we can get the next best thing! Amirul. And Gustave. And - Okay, this is depressing.

This is MJ.
Yes, she's gorgeous. And yes, I'm sorry for being a boring twat last night.

She has stalkers.

She doesn't like showing her picture online.

But she has 14 or so of them in Friendster.

And she doesn't like posting her real name.

But I do!

Well, not really.



Back to Quine, then.

So, I saw her fave books list and was stunned.

Who the fuck has the time to write such an exhaustive list? Hah, loser!

Then I inspected the list closer, and felt chills run down my spine.

Radiohead was playing on my iPod, see. Btw, MJ, I hope you get your iPod soon. You deserve it. I think.

Anyway, this peculiar creature who shares the first two letters as that eternally funny character by Miguel De Cervantes had a couple of books on her book list that I was convinced most other Malaysians had never bothered to read. Silly me. And clearly from the list, she wasn't an elitist either. And oddly enough, I could tell from her comment that she was a she, as opposed to a he, which would warp the situation into one of identity theft. Even weirder, I could tell that she was from KTJ.

How did I figure that out?

Pshaw. Fools.

Ah, that notorious KTJ! How I hate the memory of my final year in SEA being blemished by those evil cretins! The pain! The humiliation!

But I digress.

Then I find out we share a lot of the same fave bands and once again, I freak out. Truly this could not be happening? Who was this person? My inner voice talked to me:

IV: Hello, Wayne.
W: It's you!
IV: Yeah yeah, anyway, are you sure you trust this KTJ scoundrel.
W: You speak the truth, great one. Such notorious infidels must not be trusted.
IV: Indeed. Hark my words, she will destroy you.
W: *gasp* Destroy me? Impossible! How can anyone who listens to Radiohead-
IV: Listen to me, fool! She is an imposter! A demon bred in the pits of hell! A she-Satan!
W: Oh, so now I'm a fool?
IV: I didn't mean it that way. Bitch.
W: You asked for it! GUITAR ROCK-OFF!
IV: *Pete Wentz bass line*
W: *C#m Minor Pentatonic face-melting solo*

And that, sadly, was the line we have seen of the Inner Voice. C#m has always been a special scale for me: I suck very badly at it, but it's my third most used scale. Plus it sounded so awesome when Paul Gilbert said it. "And now, Four Seasons in C# minorrrr.." Oh, man.


Back on track, I decided that we should save Quine for further judgement. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, as they say. When I think about that poor chap Julius Caesar, that saying doesn't seem to bode well. Oh well.

As for my musical taste, here's a tiny smattering of what I listen to. Btw Aiman shares a lot with me in terms of both music and books, so it isn't that rare, after all. This is in random order and basically consists of what I'm thinking of at this moment:

• Radiohead
• Led Zeppelin
• Nirvana
• Wolfmother
• Bullet for a Valentine
• Linkin Park
• Aerosmith
• Incubus
• Silverchair
• Paramore
• Tool
• White Stripes
• Josh Woodward.
• Metallica
  

In truth, I probably have over 800 different bands that I regularly listen to. So yeah, I can't be bothered to type out a list that fucking long. Oh look, I swore for no apparent reason. Know why? Because


it's the end of the post.

Thank you for visiting the House of Jupiter. We'll be seeing you at the Lounge then.